Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
