Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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