dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
