I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
