i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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