i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
