Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
