so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
