I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
