We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
