A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
