um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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