Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
