Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
This baby is an asshole
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
