I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
