I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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