My Higher Power is John Stamos
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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