Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize