You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
