:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
