maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
