I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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