Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
