When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
