I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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