You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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