If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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