No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
i think im in europe. pls send help
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
