Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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