I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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