your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
