I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
