then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
