I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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