I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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