i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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