I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
