You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
