We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
