Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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