Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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