What did we do last night that was yellow?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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