I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
