this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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