Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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