So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
