Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
my shit smells like andre
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
