just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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