I just pynch a tree in the face
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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