I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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