He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
