Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
