thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
