If i come over, it means nothing
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
