is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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