Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Please, let me fuck your mom
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
They took my balls.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
you made out with another girl for some wings
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
