Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
