Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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