I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
