similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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