We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
