i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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