Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
