All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
