Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
