Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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