textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize