So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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