Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i love accidental penises.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
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