Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
