Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
