sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Still dying that you shit outside
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
