You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
