i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
