you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You're like the curious george of whores
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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