Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
PS: I just woke up from my shower
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
