Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
