Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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